I strongly believe that alarms should not be set on weekends. What is the point of a weekend if you can’t sleep in as much as your body desires? Unfortunately, Andy is one of those annoying people who thinks that getting over eight hours of sleep in a night is wasting your day. Therefore, an alarm goes off every single morning in our house. Even more annoyingly, unless it’s for work, Andy loves to hit snooze. Multiple times. In a row. Which, is quite frustrating for me, because I am one of those people who can’t fall back asleep after they wake up.

On this particular Saturday morning (i.e. one week after our decision to make a lifestyle change) Andy’s alarm goes off at 7:30 am.

(Insert obnoxious iPhone alarm sound)

Andy rolls over, hits snooze and proceeds to go back to sleep.

I lay in bed wide awake, thinking of evil ways to destroy the iPhone.

Suddenly, I remembered my dream from the night before. “Andy, Andy, I remembered my dream!”

“Measdfhiua (aka indistinguishable groan/noise)…go back to sleep for a little bit”

“No really…Andy I remembered my dream! I cheated in my dream!”

This seems to waken him up a bit.

“With who?”

“No with who, with what! I cheated on our promise. In my dream I had Swedish fish and then sour patch kids and then a whole bunch of dessert. And the entire time I kept telling everyone that they couldn’t tell you.”

Yes, readers. My life is no soap opera. The most exciting thing that happens to me is when I have a dream about cheating…on my diet.

Satisfied that he doesn’t have to fight some dream man for my affections, Andy shuts his eyes and is already half asleep before he decides to have the last word. “Swedish fish? You cheated on Swedish fish? Those things aren’t even any good.”

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I wish there was a 12-step program for how to get rid of a sweets addiction.

“Hello, my name is Julia and I am addicted to all types of sweets and junk food. Please help.”

You joke, but I’m a fat ass living in a skinny girl’s body. I can’t help myself. I crave the unhealthy foods. I legitimately dream about eating them. My soul feels incomplete without them (okay maybe that’s a little melodramatic…you’ll have to ignore my outbursts, I’m chocolate deprived). But you get the point, sweets & I are as close to soulmates as you can get to being soulmates with an inanimate object.

I was thinking today that it hasn’t even been that long that I have gone without sweets. It’s been a week since we started this lifestyle change. A week isn’t that long right?

Until I kept thinking and I realized that I’ve never, in my entire life, gone without sweets for an entire week.

AM I AN ADDICT OR AM I AN ADDICT?

It’s hard to admit you’re addicted to something. But you know what’s even harder? Trying to stop. Trying to make a lifestyle change, which, I might add, completely and utterly sucks.

Yes, you heard me. This lifestyle change sucks with a capital S, U, C, K, S.

I’m trying, I really am. I haven’t had any sweets. I only drank alcohol once this past week. I went out to dinner three times last week and got a salad each and every time (And honestly, do you know how much they charge for darn salads at restaurants?!? Its absurd!!). I even exercised a decent amount.

What I want to know is….why do I still feel like shit? Why do I still crave all the food I can’t have? Why do I still have to physically force myself to work out?

I thought this was supposed to make me better. Isn’t that what they say? If you eat better, you’ll feel better. If you exercise, you’ll feel better.

Do you want to know how I feel? I feel like I can’t get out of bed every morning because my entire body is sore. I feel hungry all the time because I can’t eat like I used to. I feel impatient because every time I look in the mirror I see zero change. I feel tired and frustrated and like the only thing in the world that will save me is a box of macaroni and cheese.

You know you’re at a bad place in life when a box of mac and cheese becomes the light at the end of your tunnel.

At the end of the day, even though I wish I were doing anything but this lifestyle change, at least I have stuck with it so far. One week might not be much, but I am proud of myself. Not proud like I want to tote in on Facebook proud, but subtly proud that I haven’t given up or bailed.

And I’m totally saving up all my cheat meals this week so I can eat a whole box of macaroni and cheese. LORD OF MAC N CHEESE, MY SAVIOR, HERE I COME!!!!!!!!!

It’s the little things in life 🙂