I was packing my suitcase on our final night in London when I realized that we had skipped all the tourist activities.

Buckingham Palace? Nope.

Big Ben? Didn’t even see it from afar.

London Eye? I don’t even know what this is. (No, really, I just asked Andy what the top three London tourist attractions are…which should really give you a clue about this post 😂😂)

In retrospect, it’s a bit of an amazing feat that we were in London for four full days and still managed to miss all of these stops. And yes, we did actually leave the house each day.

Since I know you are DYING to learn about how we accomplished this incredible feat, I am happy to share my advice on how to be the worst tourist in London. Cheerio! (please make sure that was read in a British accent…it really adds an extra spark to the rest of the post)

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Advice #1. Watch a sports game that has nothing to do with England

Andy and I decided in 2018 that we would be traveling to France in summer 2019 for the women’s World Cup. We love soccer, our US Women’s National Team is inspirational and France seems like a great place. So many wins in life. ✅✅✅

Before we went to France for the games, we stopped for a few days in London to see some friends/family. We only bought tickets to the semi-finals and the finals, which was a bit risky since there was no guarantee our women would make it that far (although, it should be noted that Andy and I had full faith in our squad #believe). This decision became even more risky when the full schedule panned out and it was revealed that USA and France, the two favored teams of the tournament, would meet in the quarterfinals.

The game between France and USA was on our first night in London. Andy and I were staying in London with my cousin, Cati, and her (new!!!) fiance, JB. They are not exactly soccer fans (to say the least), but we were pretty adamant that we needed to go watch the game. Cati recommend a place called Bar Kick.

So. This is probably the point that I should mention that Cati and JB are french. Cati still has American roots, but lets just say her soccer loyalty to the US is severely questionable. This is an important part of the story BECAUSE THEY TOTALLY TOOK US TO A FRENCH BAR!!!!! THE FRENCH WERE EVERYWHERE!!!!!

We literally have four times the population as France, but we were hard outnumbered. The bar was 70% French and 30% American.

Oh, and have you ever been to a French sport outing? THEY ARE SO INTENSE! No seriously, they must teach children how to be a sports fan in preschool or something because everyone at that entire bar knew every single chant. And I am not just talking simple chants (like “Go USA!”). These were highly complex chants with melodies, rhythmed claps and answer & responses.

In my elementary school growing up we learned songs like the chicken dance. Clearly, the American education system has some catching up to do.

Now, in full honesty, Cati and JB swear they did not take us to a French bar, but that there are just more French than Americans in London. Given that they are not quite soccer fans, I want to believe it was just an innocent mistake, but it does seem quite coincidental… 🙂

Anyways, as you can imagine the game was insane. I was on pins and needles the entire time. The game was a fantastic game of soccer and after much yelling, screaming and nail biting, the US women were the ones to come out on top.

I have never felt so proud of our team as I did in that moment. Given the scene in a bar in England, I can only imagine how crazy it was for them to play against France while in Paris. The fact that they were able to keep their calm and stay strong throughout the game spoke volumes to their skill. I know, I know, I’m getting a bit sentimental over here, but I’m just such a proud fan!!

In conclusion, if you want to be surrounded by a bunch of people who are not British, go to a bar and watch a sports game with any country that is not England. (I will recommend a French sporting event,  because they really do come on a bit strong. Good for the atmosphere though.)

Advice #2: Make friends that work at nice places

Cati has been dating JB for forever (yes, this arrangement of forever dating seems to run on their side of the family haha) and he is great. JB is also super smart and being the smart person he is, he works for this great company that is owned by google. And like everything else google does in life, they pull out all the stops for their employees, including their Summer Party.

Of course, we didn’t know any of this when Cati and JB texted us asking if we wanted to go the summer party since it happened while we were visiting. In the US, some companies will do a “family picnic” over the summer. At my last company our family picnic was a 3.5 hour affair at a baseball stadium, which I had thought was pretty cool.

Yeah, this was not even anything to compare.

This summer party was a 12-hour, rich kid’s birthday party directed at adults.

• FOOD: They had a bunch of food trucks around the perimeter of the event where you could get as much food as you want for free. From Vietnamese to pizza to poke to BBQ, there was everything you could ever want. I, of course, immediately went to the mac and cheese food truck because mac and cheese = life.

(Although, full disclosure, the mac and cheese was really not the best I have ever tasted…)

• Bumper cars: Every adults dream!! I stalked out the cars in advance and definitely got the best car which allowed me to make some very solid attacks on the others in our group. Even Andy admitted that I out-attacked him. Wooo!

• Crafts: There was this amazing arts & crafts tent with a “make your own t-shirt” station! Andy and I each got one because what could be better than rocking a ‘summer party’ shirt back in the US? (But also, free shirts…can never turn that down…)

• Desserts: They had the most amazing ice cream and popsicles (which are apparently called icelollis in London??).

• Drank: They had a full-fledged bar with several types of wine, beer, champagne and cocktails. I felt super classy with my chute of champagne chilling on their bean bag chairs.

• Board Games: There was a whole teepee (yes a real teepee) with a bunch of board games to play. I was really surprised that I knew only 1 or 2 of the games. Who knew that games in England were that much different from America?

In other news, Andy has decided he is buying us a teepee for our backyard…lolz

• Music: There were several live bands and DJs throughout the day. The end of the night was capped off with a massive dance party out on the lawn.

• Mini-golf: Free driving rang and mini-golf! We didn’t do the entire course, but it should be noted that I killed it during mini-golf. #1 Winner out here!

In general, the entire day was a blast and I highly recommend making friends with smart people who have good jobs.

On a side note, apparently in London everyone has a “summer party” in the summer and a “winter party ” in the winter which I love. We definitely should incorporate in the US.

Advice #3: Make friends that like to eat & drink

I’m not going to lie. Andy and I spent a lot of time eating and drinking in London. Which really is okay because we have London friends that were willing to support us on this mission (and helped us avoid the tourist spots!).

• Box Park: Ironically, after Andy and I made plans to go to London, we found out that one of our friends, Ben, was moving there for 18 months for work. We reached out to him when we booked our tickets and it turned out that one of his friends, Jake, was going to be in town visiting that weekend as well. Both Ben and Jake joined us for the soccer game, but they also recommended a more local drinking spot called Box Park. Box Park is this half indoor/half outdoor drinking and food spot. It is not touristy at all, but it was a great place to sit and chill with friends.

• Bar by St. Paul’s Cathedral: Ben, Jake, Andy and I also tried to go to a rooftop bar on a building right next to St. Paul’s Cathederal. I say try because we did not quite succeed, although the effort was there! First, the bar was closed for a private event so we were relegated to lounging in the open space and just enjoying the view (not bad at all)

But then Andy just HAD to use the bathroom (typical…sigh) and we got kicked out.

To be fair, it wasn’t really Andy’s fault. The bathrooms were downstairs and apparently at a certain time you needed to be “dressed smart” in order to come to the rooftop. Neither Andy and I were remotely close to being “dressed smart.” We were more in the range of “dressed like we just got off an airplane.”

Alas, we didn’t spend as much time as we could have, but the views were gorgeous while we were there!

• Hampstead Heath & Brunch: Oh man. JB and Cati took us to this most amazing brunch near Hampstead Heath Park and it was heaven. I wish I had pictures to show you, but you will just have to trust me that it was glorious. After brunch, we all went to Hampstead Heath which is this crazy large and beautiful park in London (note: I am purposely leaving out our two hour adventure to try and find bikes to ride, which was an abysmal fail. Thankfully, the park was close by and helped save the day!)

There was so much green in the park and the views were fantastic! I wanted to grab a book and just relax on the lawns.

• Family Meal: Okay not to add another character into the mix, but my other cousin, Carolina, and her husband, Antoine, also live in London now. Unfortunately, they were in France for the four days were in London because Antoine’s sister was getting married. Luckily though, they returned on the evening before we left. We all gathered in Cati & JB’s apartment for dinner and drinks. It was truly so great to see them, even if it was only for a couple hours.

Advice #4: Take a trip outside of London

The real key to being a terrible London tourist is to take a day trip away from London!

Ben and Jake mentioned that they were planning on going hiking on Monday before Jake headed back home to the states. I hardcore invited myself (and Andy by association) on their trip because (1) it sounded fun, (2) hiking is great and (3) I didn’t have to plan anything.

The goal was to hike a portion of the Seven Sister’s Hike – a beautiful hike along the cliffs of Southeast England. We started in Eastbourne and hiked along the cliffs to Seaford.

I have never done a hike in which the entire route was SO picturesque. When you begin the journey in Eastbourne you are walking right along the beach.

As you make your way to the official trail, you are inundated with gorgeous views of the city.

The entire hike is basically through a hilly meadow (note: VERY HILLY). As you go up and down the hills you are rewarded with up-close views of the chalky cliffs.

And yes, the cliffs are actually made from chalk. Ben and Jake wrote love notes to themselves to prove that theory 😂😂

(Side note: Beachy Head (where the hike is located) is apparently a very popular spot to commit suicide. From what I can gather from my google searching around 20 people commit suicide there each year, making it the 6th most popular place in the world to commit suicide. I didn’t find out about this until afterwards, and it really does put a bit of a damper on the experience. It’s sad to think that such a beautiful place is also home to such sorrow.

I would also like to apologize for the poor people sitting next to me in Starbucks while I extensively googled “popular places to commit suicide”…I promise it was for research purposes only!!)

There are a couple of places to stop and buy lunch, but I would recommend just packing a lunch and stopping along the way to eat.

As you make your way to Seaford, the views you see behind you are so satisfying. You can finally see all the hills you just conquered 💪💪💪

(Random interlude of fun fact since we did nothing touristy on the trip: 

Fun Fact we learned from Ben on this hike: Kiwis are not native to New Zealand. (WHATTTT?!?!). Apparently, they were originally called Chinese Gooseberries and were native to (yes, you guessed it) China. The seeds for Chinese Gooseberries came to New Zealand in the early 1900s and it wasn’t until 50 years later, when New Zealand was trying to export the fruit, that the fruit’s name was changed. Or, truthfully, the fruit was “rebranded” as kiwi (after the national bird in New Zealand) to give it a positive connotation. And here we are decades later calling individuals from New Zealand as “kiwis” even though kiwis aren’t even from the country!)

Overall – highly recommend this hike if you are ever looking to get out of London for a day trip! It was well worth it!

Just some general pieces of advice if you are ever considering this trip:

• I personally think the views are better hiking from Eastbourne to Seaford. However, the wind and the sun are at your back the entire hike, so if you do end up going on a particularly sunny or windy day it might be better to start in Seaford.
• Be prepared to do some trail blazing (aka act like Lewis, Clark and Sacajawea and adventurously cross a river). In all fairness to the guys, as we got closer to Seaford, google was telling us to stop walking along the water, but to head more inland and walk on the road. The guys were convinced that we just needed to cross the “river,” while I was convinced we should just follow google. So I did what any rational female did…I let them try to cross first, before I decided whether I would follow 🙂 Alas, I did end up crossing the river as well AND I will admit that they were right (Are you happy Lewis & Clark!?!? Sacajawea admits that you were right…this one time only…)

• ALSO: PUT ON SUNBLOCK. I sound like my mother, but geez, I wish I had listened to her before going on that hike…🤦🤦

Advice #5: Do something touristy to send to your parents

Speaking of mothers…after all these non-tourist activities, the truth is you have to do something touristy, at the very least to be able to send pictures home to the parentals. I thought long and hard about our tourist activities and I was able to come up with three (they’re all a bit of a stretch, but they definitely still count):

• We took a picture in front of St. Paul’s Cathederal and there was a London bus in the background

• We went to Borough Market which is like every farmer’s market on steroids.

Ben and Jake tried some British-egg thing (scotch egg??) which actually wasn’t half bad. Andy and I stuck with the normal coffee – cappuccinos all day every day!

• We took a picture inside a telephone booth because isn’t that a requirement of going to England? (Although…Cati tells me this was a horrible idea and I should have showered immediately afterwards. 😂😂)

• We had a typical pub meal – Andy had fish and chips with a British pint and I had a Sunday roast. Of course, the best part about this meal was meeting up with our friend Kelly (I know, I know…another friend!!). Kelly went to high school with Andy and me and she is wonderful. She is also in London doing a rotation at her current company and has been there for about a year. I didn’t see her enough when she lived in the states, so it was amazing getting to catch-up with her overseas!

 

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Even though Andy and I did nothing touristy, London was a blast! I particularly had a great time trying to imitate the accent (I really am getting better regardless of what JB, Cati and Andy say!!!).

However, on a final closing remark, I was surprised that culturally London didn’t really feel that different from the US. It was almost if someone from Boston was visiting a friend in Texas (or vice versa). There were obvious differences, but there wasn’t any kind of cultural shock. Guess we didn’t really stray that far from our colonial ancestors, huh?